Dayyy 16 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge. As One Of My Main Focuses Has Been My Coping With Weed, Waking Up These Last Few Days With A Cloud Of Heavy Pot Smoke Curling Under My Bedroom Door, Over My Breakfast Table, At Any Hour Of The Day Has Been A Challenge… And Not. One Of The Tools Which I Feel Has Helped Me In This, Is To Realize I Was Using, Not Just Smoking. “I’m A Massive Hippie!” I’d Exclaim, Without Checking Into Any True “Hippie” Oneness Of Myself And The Universe. I Was Terrified Of My Anger, That Without Weed I Couldn’t Cope With Life Stuff But About This Time Last Year I Had The “Ah-Ha!” That I Could Actually Check In With My Pain So I Don’t Have To Cope Instead. That Feeling Pain Is Fine And Good, Healthy. It’s Taken Me Almost A Year Of Different Forty Day Challenges To Build Up To This. Cellularly I Was Ready. And So This Doesn’t Feel As Hard As I Worried It Would Be. My Pain Is There But Something Which Deserves Attention And Shouldn’t Have To Scream Through A Haze Of Green Smoke To Be Heard. I’m Very Careful With The Drinking Too, So It Doesn’t Become Another Crutch; So Many Of My Colleagues And Friends Lean On Bottles To Keep Them Up, Going And Coping. I Want To Run A Sober Cabaret But No Venue Will Get On Board With That… Brain Brewing!

Dayyy 16 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge. As One Of My Main Focuses Has Been My Coping With Weed, Waking Up These Last Few Days With A Cloud Of Heavy Pot Smoke Curling Under My Bedroom Door, Over My Breakfast Table, At Any Hour Of The Day Has Been A Challenge… And Not. One Of The Tools Which I Feel Has Helped Me In This, Is To Realize I Was Using, Not Just Smoking. “I’m A Massive Hippie!” I’d Exclaim, Without Checking Into Any True “Hippie” Oneness Of Myself And The Universe. I Was Terrified Of My Anger, That Without Weed I Couldn’t Cope With Life Stuff But About This Time Last Year I Had The “Ah-Ha!” That I Could Actually Check In With My Pain So I Don’t Have To Cope Instead. That Feeling Pain Is Fine And Good, Healthy. It’s Taken Me Almost A Year Of Different Forty Day Challenges To Build Up To This. Cellularly I Was Ready. And So This Doesn’t Feel As Hard As I Worried It Would Be. My Pain Is There But Something Which Deserves Attention And Shouldn’t Have To Scream Through A Haze Of Green Smoke To Be Heard. I’m Very Careful With The Drinking Too, So It Doesn’t Become Another Crutch; So Many Of My Colleagues And Friends Lean On Bottles To Keep Them Up, Going And Coping. I Want To Run A Sober Cabaret But No Venue Will Get On Board With That… Brain Brewing!

YESSS! Day 15 In My Latest #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge. And Let Me Just Say For The Record, My Current Focus On Drugs, #Depression And People With #Addiction In My Life Will Last Much Longer Than 40 Days. I Will Not Start Using And Abusing Once This Challenge Is Over. Because This Is The Big One For Me. My Shiny Crutches. But Measuring Things And Challenging For Forty Days Gives Space Without As Much Pressure. I Do Not Respond Well To Pressure Around My Pain. Things Are Going Very Well, Despite Many Challenges Of Late From My Old Life. Sleeping Is Easier. Lots Of Tummy Troubles Though. Not Much Libido Because Of That But Also In General And To Not Make Love Everyday Does Not Feel Natural. It’s Hard. But I Have To Give Myself Space. I Love And Relish The Intimacy Of Many Other Acts And Gestures. Being Much More Careful About Food, I Am Very Healthy Generally But Having To Be Much More Strict To Make Things Easier. I Find Certain People And Their Addictions Very Upsetting. I Wish We Could All Get Therapy… But Then Again, If You Don’t Tell Your Therapist You Drink And Chain Smoke Every Night Until You Pass Out, What Are They Gunna Do? Everyday I Am Grateful For My Angel, My Daddies, My Kids And Sweethearts. xxx

YESSS! Day 15 In My Latest #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge. And Let Me Just Say For The Record, My Current Focus On Drugs, #Depression And People With #Addiction In My Life Will Last Much Longer Than 40 Days. I Will Not Start Using And Abusing Once This Challenge Is Over. Because This Is The Big One For Me. My Shiny Crutches. But Measuring Things And Challenging For Forty Days Gives Space Without As Much Pressure. I Do Not Respond Well To Pressure Around My Pain. Things Are Going Very Well, Despite Many Challenges Of Late From My Old Life. Sleeping Is Easier. Lots Of Tummy Troubles Though. Not Much Libido Because Of That But Also In General And To Not Make Love Everyday Does Not Feel Natural. It’s Hard. But I Have To Give Myself Space. I Love And Relish The Intimacy Of Many Other Acts And Gestures. Being Much More Careful About Food, I Am Very Healthy Generally But Having To Be Much More Strict To Make Things Easier. I Find Certain People And Their Addictions Very Upsetting. I Wish We Could All Get Therapy… But Then Again, If You Don’t Tell Your Therapist You Drink And Chain Smoke Every Night Until You Pass Out, What Are They Gunna Do? Everyday I Am Grateful For My Angel, My Daddies, My Kids And Sweethearts. xxx

Dayyy 14 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge With A Focus On Drugs, Depression And People In My Life With Addictions. As Far As I Can Tell Everyone Has An #addiction Of Some Kind, A Buffer, A Coping Mechanism, A Habit. We All Have Them. Some Deeper Than Others, Different Levels Of Functionality. Same As We All Have Pain And Traumas. And Again, #sobriety Is Sobering. Waking Up In A Life You Feel Out Of Touch With. Hard Work. I Am Awakening And Some Parts Of My Life Are Moving Me To Tears With The Sweetness, The Perfection, The Power… And Other Parts Are Astonishing, Startling And Upsetting. But I Can And I Will Accept All Parts, Change What I Can, Let Go Of What Does Not Resonate And Give Thanks For It All. There Is So Much I Am Grateful For In My Life. I Am Blessed To Have Been Kept So Safe And On This Earth So I Could Be On The Other Side Of Addiction And Know There Is A Life Possible Beyond Suffering And Coping Silently. xxx

Dayyy 14 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge With A Focus On Drugs, Depression And People In My Life With Addictions. As Far As I Can Tell Everyone Has An #addiction Of Some Kind, A Buffer, A Coping Mechanism, A Habit. We All Have Them. Some Deeper Than Others, Different Levels Of Functionality. Same As We All Have Pain And Traumas. And Again, #sobriety Is Sobering. Waking Up In A Life You Feel Out Of Touch With. Hard Work. I Am Awakening And Some Parts Of My Life Are Moving Me To Tears With The Sweetness, The Perfection, The Power… And Other Parts Are Astonishing, Startling And Upsetting. But I Can And I Will Accept All Parts, Change What I Can, Let Go Of What Does Not Resonate And Give Thanks For It All. There Is So Much I Am Grateful For In My Life. I Am Blessed To Have Been Kept So Safe And On This Earth So I Could Be On The Other Side Of Addiction And Know There Is A Life Possible Beyond Suffering And Coping Silently. xxx

Dayyy 13 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge… Today Is Truly The First Day Where Using Has Felt Overwhelming. Addicts & Avoiders All Around, Smoke Billowing From Doorways, People Not Saying What They Truly Mean, Pretense, Facade And Trauma All Around… Sighhh It Makes It Hard! But I Am Focused On #sobriety I Will Not Waver. I Am Blessed To Have This Focus, So Much Support And Genuine People Close To Me I Can Go To. I Appreciate Very Much Those Who Have Reached Out To Me, To Discuss Their Own #depression Or #addiction I Feel Blessed And Motivated Further. To Those Struggling, Trying Or Wondering: Love & Light To You xxx

Dayyy 13 Of My #40dayyy #addictionrecovery2014 Challenge… Today Is Truly The First Day Where Using Has Felt Overwhelming. Addicts & Avoiders All Around, Smoke Billowing From Doorways, People Not Saying What They Truly Mean, Pretense, Facade And Trauma All Around… Sighhh It Makes It Hard! But I Am Focused On #sobriety I Will Not Waver. I Am Blessed To Have This Focus, So Much Support And Genuine People Close To Me I Can Go To. I Appreciate Very Much Those Who Have Reached Out To Me, To Discuss Their Own #depression Or #addiction I Feel Blessed And Motivated Further. To Those Struggling, Trying Or Wondering: Love & Light To You xxx